The Art of Letting Go: Tips For Moving On From Past Hurts

The Art of Letting Go: Tips For Moving On From Past Hurts
Written by Robin Okwanma

Pain and hurts are very human experiences. Looking all around also, painful events permeate every aspect of Nature, as living creatures and inanimate things interact continually in different ways. Virtually everyone has been hurt, or has hurt another person either emotionally or physically (or both) in his or her lifetime. And it may have happened more than once also, at different times. It may or may not be intentional; and it may not be avoidable.

Perhaps without getting hurt, humans will find it hard to accept change and learning as necessary life tools. And perhaps we would find it hard to seek for a better quality of life, or work towards a brighter future. But if a person refuses to let go of the hurt, the past continues to haunt him or her. Until such a person can no longer function normally – emotional pain can weigh that heavy. It can even lead to depression and suicidal tendencies. 

A whole lot of mental and psychological disorders stem from the inability to let go of a hurtful past. It is clear that for you to live a meaningful, rewarding life, you must learn to stop recycling the painful memories. Stop wounding yourself by asking the regretful ‘what if’ questions, and ultimately focus on building your life in the moment. It is necessary to learn not to allow the people or events that hurt you in the past to enslave you, or control your life. It’s time to move on victoriously. 

Here we have some helpful tips to guide you away from those unrewarding painful memories and take charge of your life now. The art of letting go is indispensable to your overall growth and happiness, inside out. And we are ready to help you drop the emotional baggage and move on.

Learn the Lesson

It is important to think things through, evaluate and learn life’s lessons from your hurtful past. Then move on. Be intentional about moving on. You can choose to learn something positive from that experience. Lessons about self-worth, identifying your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses, how to say NO and mean it. And your coping strategies with anything that stressed you. Make a mental note to actively put these lessons to work in your next relationship, work and business connections, family issues and the like.

Also Read- How to Build and Maintain Strong Relationships


Spend less and less time thinking about what is gone and focus on making the best of the moment. Live and build your life in the now to be a happy, more fulfilling experience. Focus more on positive activities, experiences, fun moments, learning opportunities, healthy lifestyle, self-rewards and more, to charge up your life here and now. This is called mindfulness.  

Move Far Away From the Source

Very often, your healing works far better when you keep a safe physical (and/or emotional or psychological) distance from the person that hurt you. Or even move away from the place where it happened. Nor must you allow a recurrence of a similar situation – consciously avoid it. Out of sight is out of mind, as they say. If you see less or none of the thing that caused you so much hurt, you find it easier not to remember it. Or think about it. That way, you can easily let go. 

Recite a Positive Mantra

Create a positive word or phrase and speak it to yourself again and again. In fact, speak less of the negative to yourself, no matter what happens (this is where prayer and meditation naturally come in). So that you don’t feel helpless and mentally defeated. A positive mantra will take you out of the zone of self-harm or self-defeat to recognize and accept help and hope beyond yourself. It will also give you the strength and courage to work towards healing yourself. 

Stay Close to Uplifting People

It is extremely good to cultivate and maintain healthy relationships with people who encourage you and boost your mood. They could be friends, mentors, teachers, family members, work or business colleagues or even neighbors. Such people can rescue you from depression because they are there when you need their support. 

Speak it Out & Act it Out

There is nothing more painful than thinking again and again about that unpleasant event or person that hurt you. As if you can go back and change everything. Furthermore, it is rather unhealthy to bottle up your feelings and thoughts without expressing them. Because they will weigh you down and make you less useful to yourself. Exhale. Release the bad thoughts and feelings. And choose to do so in a positive way. You can achieve that in a number of ways.

  • You might want to discuss it with a friend, colleague or loved one. Or do so with a mental health expert.
  • Write down your thoughts and how you feel in a diary or journal. 
  • Seek creative ways to express your emotion until they cool down. Indulge in your favorite hobby, sport, game, craft, music, poetry or art and use it to develop and heal yourself. 
  • Write a letter to the person (or to yourself if you prefer that) to vent out your displeasure, anger or whatever you feel. And you don’t have to post it. 

Make Self-Care a Priority

Self-care or self-love is actually necessary. It means learning to put yourself first. Otherwise other people will take you for a ride, or stretch you beyond what you can handle. Choose to be you, and choose more of what is good for you. That way, you can heal faster. Self-care is also taking responsibility for your life by taking charge of what you think and do to get positive results. How can you achieve this? You can:

  • Learn to forgive yourself and others. You can’t undo the past, so accept it and consciously work towards blocking a repeat of such an occurrence. 
  • Learn to respect yourself and your needs. And ensure you let others know and recognize that need as authentic, do not back down. 
  • Say NO to what you don’t want, and mean it. Enforce it the best way you can. In short, set your boundaries and defend them. Allow no one to violate your boundaries. Particularly when they attempt to remind you of the past (or relive it somehow). 

Go for Therapy

Give yourself a much-needed mental health therapy session or counseling, if letting go proves a serious challenge to you. You might not be able to handle the pain all alone. Or you might find it challenging to put these tips to work all by yourself. By all means, know that help is never far away. Reach out to a trained mental health professional for guidance. 



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About the author

Robin Okwanma

Hi, I'm Robin Okwanma. Software Engineer || Django, Python || React, React Native || Blogger. Technical Writer.