People often forget that we are what our past has taught us, what our present is teaching us and what we hope to achieve in the near future. Our present today will one day become our past. How we live in the present will also determine the future so it is crucial we safeguard today and leave the past behind in the hope for better days.
Relationships are one part of human existence, from childhood to adulthood we keep a form of relationship whether is it friendship that is being shared with our classmates/age group or relationships between spouse/lovers or between parents and children, we all need each other. It is vital we maintain a healthy relationship with one another less we compromise our later behaviour and may mar the next relationship we find ourselves.
The most crucial kind of relationship we should look out for is the one between lovers. This type of stranger relationship is known to have a deeper connection and can cause some damage to individuals when it is unhealthy. There are toxic signs in relationships that over time rob off one’s behaviour subconsciously. Here are some of the signs of a toxic relationship and how it can affect the next one.
1. A jealous lover
If your significant other is often found snooping around your phone and stalking you on social media that is a sign you are in a toxic relationship. This is the first sign a toxic person exhibits before they start to isolate you from the rest of the world. Topics about infidelity will be the centerpiece of any fight and you will unconsciously want to protect their insecurity by assuring them you aren’t cheating.
Once you leave that relationship and move into the next one, you will find yourself doubting your lover’s feelings for you. Don’t get me wrong, at the initial start of the next relationship, you would feel a sense of relief that your new partner trusts you but because your psychic has been damaged over time you forget what a healthy relationship looks like and begin to ponder on why he hasn’t snooped around. A form of jealousy is a sign of love, but know when the jealous lover has insecurity issues.
2. Lovers who compare
It is very difficult to please someone who seems to always have a comparison. This set of individuals is hard to please, they always criticise your effort and are demeaning. These individuals are deliberately rude and hurtful. You may feel singled out and targeted through their mean words and actions. And, no matter what you do, you feel like you’re never measuring up or good enough.
You shouldn’t bother going over the moon to please them it will only hurt you over time. Know your worth and understand there is little you can do for them. Often thinking and looking down on yourself would endanger your mental health. It might take you longer to move on to the next relationship because you have spent your days believing in their lies and doubting yourself. This set of individuals understand and know your worth but admitting to it feels like letting you out of their grasp and this isn’t want they want. Believe me, you are worth more than the hassle.
3. The ones who bring the baggage along
This set of individuals could be you if you do not leave that toxic relationship now. These individuals will not hesitate to bring all the sadness and toxicity from their previous relationships into a new one. When it might seem like a good thing because they are always on guard to avoid being hurt again but this has an adverse effect on the other person in the relationship. Imagine having to prove that you are not a liar to your partner because in his previous relationship his significant other was a liar. At some point, you would tire out from that herculean task. It is important you heal properly before moving to the next relationship, get the closure you need and always remember that humans are dynamic in nature and no two humans are the same.
4. Lack of support
This next point is crucial not just for the relationship itself but as an individual going through life struggles and finding their path. You should be careful with partners who do not support you. Healthy relationships are rooted in a mutual desire to see the other person succeed in all spheres of life but when you notice that your partner feels inferior and would see every achievement you make as a form of competition to do better than you, then it is time to hit the high road.
Most individuals with this kind of behavior are suffering from abusive patterns of having to prove their worth mostly to their family members. Over time, you will begin to get the impression that your interest does not matter to them but that they only care about themselves. Not working on yourself before you move into the next relationship will only damage it. There are tendencies that you would only do whatever pleases you or you will always seek validation from your significant other before you do anything. While this might look like a positive thing, the negative aspect of this is you would destroy the essence of a relationship being a whole and also cause damage to your self-worth by always seeking validation.
5. Poor Communication
Often people who have been in a toxic relationship have communication problems. Humans learn by observation, being with someone who always uses sarcasm and criticism every time they talk, will only rub off on you over time. Learn to be kind, and courteous and have respect for other people’s feelings. A great mastery of this will enable you to put a stop to toxicity.
A toxic person is born out of a toxic relationship or family background. It is a vicious circle that can only be stopped when one makes a conscious effort to put an end to this circle. If you choose to remain in a toxic relationship also remember young kids would be born and will grow up in that relationship. They may take it as their own normal and will never know how to be polite and respectful when they go into their own relationships. When you eventually leave a toxic relationship, remember not to dwell in the past, be open to healthy communication, be open to therapy, be accountable, and most importantly heal as an individual before you move into the next relationship.
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